Friday, October 16, 2009

How To Raise The Bar Without It Falling On Your Head

When the Puumaja Crew invited me to be a regular contributor to their site, I thought, well, thanks very much.
But then I remembered, I can't write! I'm just a down home, simple country boy from the East Dakota Highlands; I flunked out of high school with not one qualification to my name, and yet I've managed to build up a huge, multi-national business empire despite being wholly illiterate.
Fortunately my financial abundance enables me to employ a PA, Ilone. She's one of the best in her field, and I can dictate my musings to her any speed I like and she'll never fail to capture the essence of my genius, helping you to help yourself. And others. But mostly yourself.
One of the barriers to being successful is an inability to use people. People are all there for your use; we call it leveraging. Anyone and everyone you meet is superior in some way or other, to you, and you should leverage them to your own benefit. For example, not only is Ilona a superior PA, she can also find her own arse with her hands, and as a result I leverage her hands to find my arse for me too.
Maybe the mailman knows more about football than you do; pump him for questions. What's the winningest team at the moment? What's Favres attempts/completions ratio this season? Then dispose of him; there's nothing worse than time wasters. These people will suck you dry like a big sucking thing - avoid at all costs.
If you're gonna get ahead, and believe me, you WILL get ahead, provided you do everything I say to the letter (if you don't you'll freeze to death and be buried in an unmarked, mass grave) you've simply gotta pay attention to a few basic principles. We'll reveal these principles one at a time so you keep coming back.
We're gonna be something a whole lot more meaningful than just friends in the coming weeks and months (anyway all my friends are real big shots with huge companies and the like) – we're gonna have a saviour and disciple set up, except with a happier ending.

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