A Personal Message From Walt Gleeson

Canfield, Proctor, Nightingale, Zagler, Hill, Robbins, Tracy, Winfrey... step aside please..there's a new success guru in town! Walt Gleeson is a highly successful, internationally renowned author of motivational books and CDs and other products. Starting as a rust repairer on a sewage trawler in international waters, on one cent fifty per month, Walt soon rose to control the entire US fleet, and he never even graduated from High School. His career has spanned over half a decade, during which he has acted as advisor to such alumni as Richard Nixon, Oliver North and Mike Tyson, and he has enthralled readers all over the world, from Alaska to Florida and from Hawaii to Rhode Island, with such titles as You Can Do It!, You Can Do It! Too, Literally Make Your House Work For You, My Lai Was Just a Blip and Become a Billionaire Whilst On The Toilet, Walt is the Puumaja Crew's personal realization and fulfilment coach, whatever that is.

Dear [INSERT FIRST NAME HERE]

I have to confess I'm kinda confused. Last month I sent you an exclusive offer for my Deep Trance ™ product, at just USD 99.99* and for some reason known only to yourself you didn't take us up on it. 


I have to say I'm disappointed in you. Take a hold of yourself, you're either unpatriotic, lazy, a liberal, hispanic or all of the above. 


Now I'm gonna offer you this one more time, at the greatly reduced price of USD 48.99*...

...AND that's not all - I'm also giving you a free copy of a book that's just hot off the press and itching to be burnt already, which I co-wrote with my good friend Glenn Beck. It's called 'Get Up Offa The Floor, You Faggot' and it's really set to kick some butts.


The whole thing debunks the idea that it's not ok for guys to cry on cue when they're sandwiched between a stars and stripes and a camera (not when there's not - that's just faggotry) or that setting the middle east on fire is not the best thing for long term stability - why don't these people fuck off to Canada?


Since Glenn and I met at the exclusive Hazelden recovery clinic, after we'd decided to take action about the disease of addiction that both of us definitely have and need to join a heretical cult religion in order to surrender to a higher power (mine is the God of the scriptures, Glenn's is a little green man) rather than just simply quitting like anyone else, I realised that this was a man who really knew which way was up and how to get there, and more than that we were imbued with a divine right to harrass everyone else into conforming with us.


So, hurry now and claim your free gift of GUOTFYF as we already call it, together with the Deep Trance ™ CDs which we just know are gonna turn your life around just by the click of your fingers.'Cos that really is the way the Lord made us. If you're an American..

* per month plus postage in the US, to the world outside of the US, lick my sweaty ole scrotal sac.

Walt