'One Of Our Boys Is Missing' - Author's Disclaimer

Before reading One Of Our Boys Is Missing, the true memoirs of former special forces soldier Charlie 'Terminal' Moraine, the author would like to point out the following:
- Yes, I am less than half the man who is actually a Special Forces operative
- No, I could never even pass the pre-selection medical.
- Yes, everyone in the SAS, SBS and all other SF units could batter me with one had behind their backs.
- No, I'm not laughing at war heroes or the fallen, especially at this time of year.
- No, I don't want to try selection for myself.
- No, I'm not looking at you.
- No, I don't have the bottle / right stuff / 1000 yard stare etc. etc.
- No, I don't want to see what an overweight ballet dancer can do.
- Yes, no doubt I am a tw*t, f*cking idiot, immature [insert any brickbat you wish here].
Thanks.