Who Invented the Flamethrower?

A new fave comedian of mine, the late George Carlin, on one of my favourite weapons, just for the sheer sick mindedness of those who came up with it. Still, they could do with it in those caves in Afghanistan (despite what Carlin says the US apparently got rid of them shortly after Vietnam)...

The First 1000 Followers..Seth's Blog

According to my  big brother's blog, the critical number of fans, customers, subscribers, and presumably followers, is 1000! If you keep those 1000 happy, everything will take care of itself. So, just another 999 followers to go, who will be next!!!

Strange Laws in Tallinn

It transpires that we have to keep the pavement outside our (communal) house clear, or relatively so, of snow. There's actually a chance of Tallinn city government, down at heel as it is, fining owners for failing to do so!
Luckily the Puumaja is equipped with snow shovels and the like for performing this public service, though I've managed to avoid it so far, the neighbours keep beating me to it! But I'm a busy man..

On This Day 344 Years Ago

...some things are everlasting..
December 25th 1665: "To church in the morning, and there saw a wedding in the church, which I have not seen many a day; and the young people so merry one with another, and strange to see what delight we married people have to see those poor fools decoyed into our condition, every man and woman gazing and smiling at them."

Hilarious Xmas Traditions

Tim Flowers is an ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher based in the capital city of one of the baltic states. He is 42 years old. His previous job was working for the Post Office (main sorting office - as a superintendent) and this excellent and relevant background has given him a good grasp of the fundamentals of the English language, and the art of teaching it to others. He hails, as he likes to say, from Northamptonshire in England, a very glamorous part of the world indeed, and so is not at all out of place mingling with the glitterati of the Old Town where he hangs out on a Friday or Saturday night. He likes beer.
It's Christmas time, mistletoe and wine and so I thought that I'd ensure that I was worth every last penny of the fairly sizeable amount that the students have spent on my 'lessons' by finishing off term with a list of unusual, and really very amusing, xmas traditions from around the world. They must be true because I found the list on one of my colleague's desk, which was I think a copy of a copy of a copy of something from a now-defunct ESL website called "English language drop in shop" or something like that, I dunno I've never actually used the internet to put together teaching materials; my genius lies within the confines of my own cerebral cortex, ever able to come up with a dazzling array of explanations, games and anecdotes to keep them coming back for more (at least until the end of the course).
Anyway, here they are, brace yourself:

• In Luxembourg, children must skip anti-clockwise around an old, dead cat-sock (whatever that may be) before they can receive their present.
• Christmas is actually celebrated on 14th June in Kiribati. This is because it is in the Southern Hemisphere and, due to time zone differences, the day corresponds with 25th December in the Northern Hemisphere.
• A traditional Christmas dinner in England consists of turkey, cranberry sauce and, titter, mince pies, which aren't really pies at all, more like something like a giant jaffa cake.
• In Scotland, Christmas is called "Hogmanay" and culminates in the ritual slaughter of a pretend haggis.
• Instead of Father Christmas, children in Armenia can look forward to their presents being delivered by a spotty youth on a BMX.
  
• Due to a bye-law dating back to the regime of Oliver Cromwell, which has somehow been overlooked and remains on the statute book, the residents of Twickledrie in Southern Scotland are forbidden to celebrate Christmas.
• In Latvia, it is customary to drink Riga Balzams, an unholy concoction sold in strange-looking bottles, with holly sprigs.
  

So, looks like the final lesson's gonna be a laugh a minute.

Axe and Thou Shalt Receive

Canfield, Proctor, Nightingale, Zagler, Hill, Robbins, Tracy, Aaron... step aside please..there's a new success guru in town! Walt Gleeson is a highly successful, internationally renowned author of motivational books and CDs and other products. With a career spanning over half a decade, he has enthralled readers all over the world, from Alaska to Florida and from Hawaii to Rhode Island, with such titles as You Can Do It!, You Can Do It! Too, Literally Make Your House Work For You and Become a Millionaire Whilst On The Toilet.

I just had to tell you about something interesting that happened to me the other day. I was waiting in transit at the Hatfield-Jackson International Airport in Atlanta, when I noticed an elderly black gentleman sitting next to me reading a book. He was about my age, and I was just reflecting on how little we had in common, when he turned to me and said "you know, you want something real bad, all you godda do is axe. Axe and thou shalt receive".

This was undoubtedly the greatest meeting of minds in human history and the best piece of advice received by anyone ever, and naturally it just had to be yours truly Walt Gleeson. It's true. All you have to do is indeed ask and you will definitely receive everything you ask for. OK, God works in mysterious ways, and it may not be in exactly the way you anticipated. For example, you might ask for a Ferrari 355 in yellow and in fact receive a 355 page long yellowing copy of a biography of Lolo Ferrari, but that's just as good surely, so quit complaining.

It struck me just how far the negro has come since the bad old days of segregated buses, ad hoc lynchings and "no taxation without representation", I'm so glad that white people sorted out all the mess for them and we can all sleep easier now.

I realised that this message was sent to me for a reason, and that this man was, in a very real sense, working through me to reach my wider audience in some kind of synergy of binary-creative outputting with divine concretization.

I later beat a hasty retreat when I discovered he was a muslim.

Yo! Aksk!

Walt

I'm Not a Twat

Forgot just how great the Armando Ianucci show was. Ok his neuroses aren't quite as universal as I'd once thought, some things would translate well here in Estonia and others just wouldn't come up on the radar at all.
But it's perhaps the best stuff he's done, even more than the sublime Time Trumpet.

More Excruciating Clichés

Following my list of pet peeve clichés or unnecessary or overused phrases which can be viewed here, it's nice to see that others feel the same way.

This list focuses on the worst office phrases (by the way, why stop at 10?) but could equally be applied to everday life.

By the way is it a cliché to use the word cliché now?